29 July 2005

A Brush with The Law

Indymedia Ireland

**The first part of this is a tale of Sean's brush with the law during a protest near Tara. What I am re-printing is a very funny comment giving some handy instructions to those of us who might also experience such a brush.

A word of Fatherly Advice for Sean & Others

by BP - Tuesday, Jul 26 2005, 1:35pm

I’m sure many readers have been similarly molested by a nosey 'Vanguard' sticking his snout where it don’t belong while you’re simply trying to get from A to B.

What they rely on in large part for this little sport is intimidation, psychotricks and the ordinary person’s complete ignorance on the law (which is not accidental). These home-grown tips will help you 'level-the-playing-field' next time:

1. If you see a cop about to stop you in your car, first get all the doors locked.

2. If cop taps on the window, just lower it about 3mm, forcing him to speak through the slit and really listen very carefully if you say something.

3. But never say nothing, just move your lips a bit.

4. If the wooden-neck knows for sure he is not deaf, this will piss him right off.

5. Use a Dictaphone up to the slit to record his amusing reaction.

6. If he asks you anything, just reply “ID first, questions later”

7. Make him pass the warrant card in through the slit.

8. Chew on the photo to check it’s not forged, then pass it through the ‘scanner’, i.e. the cheeks of your arse, before handing it back with the caution “Mind that!”

9. If he asks your name, find out “Who wants to know, are you going to squeal on me to the CIA?” He will reflexively lie – “No!” but you will have to pull him up on this, very badly. Cops are congenital liars, he needs to hear that.

10. Cop may ask to look in your boot – take off a shoe and hold it up to the slit.

11. While he is checking that you may want to call your solicitor and tell him to start moving his arse towards the cop-shop.

12. Where you’re going to is always “up the road”, coming from “down the road”.

13. What you were/are going to do – “Mind my own business!”

14. Who you know - “Not even my own mother, mate!”

15. Will you step out of the car please sir? – “Will you suck my toes first?”

16. The only thing you are obliged to do under law is name any cop-shop where you’ll show licence, insurance etc within 10 days. Tell him Ballycastle, Co. Cork - no Garda will know the difference until you’re long gone.

17. Bid a long farewell to this idiot.

This system works for me, with the usual result that I am either arrested and/or my car smashed + sabotaged by An Garda Shítonyá. However, this is no problemo, as they have nothing on you unless they want to pull another ‘McBrearty Special’. Just remember to swap the Dictaphone tape for a blank one (hiding the good one) before they get their paws on you, otherwise the b*****ds will erase the tape ASAP. Happy days in court kicking their asses.

If you want an example of how that’s done, see this story from Thursday past at Ennis court, cops getting their lying asses soundly whipped in the case of Conor Cregan, arrested for ‘Breach of the Peace’ while holding a Dictaphone:
click here

Shalom, BP

Very good !

I remember one time , a few years ago , John was in charge of assembling a small stage , a 'backdrop' for same , and a speakers lectern on the foot-path in between the pillars of the GPO in Dublin ; the Special Branch were everywhere around us , as were the uniformed Garda .
I spotted a young , uniformed garda being pulled to one side by an SB man and , minutes later , witnessed said young garda run up to John - so I moved over to him , not knowing what was going to happen next : the young garda , with a thick , country accent (sounded Cork/Kerry) tapped John on the shoulder and shouted - " You can't build that here unless you have planning permission .... " !!!

When John finished laughing (as were the SB men!) he assured the red-faced young garda that "... all the paper-work was in order ... " !
Which , of course , it obviously was'nt - but , by this stage , the uniformed paper-checker realised he had been 'set-up' . And by his own people , too . He walked off down O'Connell Street at a fairly quick pace !

Sharon .
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